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Archives for musings

Advances in toilet technology

May 26th, 2015

So my work trips have taken a turn for the exotic and I’m in Taipei all week visiting a contract manufacturer (more on this later). The hotel has the very latest innovations in toilet technology!

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Looks like a normally toilet at first glance but behold the highly complex electronic control panel!

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Thankfully full instructions are provided in multiple languages.

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Magic Unicorn Story

May 18th, 2015

At work last we week were subjected to an interminable two day “New Hire Workshop” despite having worked there for nearly three years. I learned all sorts of useful things like how to “ideate” and that I should be “training at the empowerment gym”. Hmm. Anyway, to pass the time I started writing a story about a disappearing unicorn in Chinese to practice my characters.

In the first chapter we meet the protagonists; their occupations are discussed; and a startling event occurs.

chap1

The second chapter concerns a fruitless exploration of places where the unicorn is not, and our heroes begin to despair.

chap2

In the final chapter a ghostly apparition provides a clue to the unicorn’s whereabouts and a happy conclusion is reached.

chap3

Feedback from friend Winni who is a Real Chinese Person ™ was that it was mostly intelligible with just a few nonsense sentences. I give myself a B+.

UPDATE: by popular demand I have created English translations of chapter 1, chapter 2, and chapter 3! The text in red is where the corresponding Chinese sentence was a bit of grammatical fail.

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Boris Sighting

April 27th, 2015

Out in Uxbridge buying lunch today who did I see but the almighty God-Emperor of Great Britain and prospective MP, Boris Johnson!

boris_scale

In real life he’s somewhat shorter and paler than I imagined. Unfortunately I was so overcome with awe I didn’t go up and get my photo taken with him before the minder hustled him away. Shame, as it would have been my greatest celebrity encounter since Mandeville.

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My Tree

March 21st, 2015

A long long time ago I found an acorn next to the reservoir near our house. I carried it all the way home and planted it in my flower patch at the end of the garden. And now look: it grew into a mighty oak tree!

oak_scale

At the time I planned to build a tree house in it. Unfortunately, the growing process is considerably slower than the planning process.

Although I remember the finding and planting, I had no idea in which year this happened. My mum and I did a bit of detective work using old photographs and it definitely wasn’t there in 1993 but by 1996 it was taller than me. So I reckon it was planted in autumn 1994. Let’s hope it has another 20 years of successful growing…

New Character

February 15th, 2015

Dear China,

The character 蛋 for “egg” is confusing and illogical! I have recently invented a vastly superior character which I wish to offer royalty-free. If 鸟 “bird” + 山 “mountain” = 岛 “island” then obviously 鸟 + 生 “grow/birth” = “egg” (or perhaps “chick”). I have drawn below: please include in all fonts immediately. kthxbye.

egg

Firefox Back to Normal

December 30th, 2014

I’ve been stubbornly ignoring the recent updates to Firefox and using 24 ESR instead as the new Australis changes ruined what was a perfectly nice minimal UI. The biggest problem for me was the inability to move the address bar into the title bar: once you’re accustomed to this having it hanging below is a heinous waste of screen real estate.

Today I decided to give the new ESR version 31 a go and after half an hour or so tweaking with Classic Theme Restorer I managed to make it look like my old Firefox! The “customize” interface now lets me drag the address bar up into the menu bar and get rid of that giant “back” button. For reference, here’s version 24:

firefox24

And here is what I’ve got in version 31:

firefox31

Pie Rating

December 7th, 2014

We’ve been hard at work in our office rating the 2014 mince pie selection. The Fortnum & Mason “traditional” pie is the current front runner. Although the M&S regular pie is a good choice on a more modest budget.

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